V/O: On January 3rd, 1993, the Buffalo Bills and the Houston Oilers met in an AFC Wild Card playoff game. Both teams were looking to advance to the divisional round. What they didn’t know… was that they would soon find themselves a part of the greatest comeback in NFL history, and perhaps the single greatest comeback in the history of sports. This is the story of the at comeback, as told by acclaimed documentarian Thomas O’Callahan O’Reillyneill Flanagan O’McSullivanleary.
Tommy: OH MY FACKIN GAWD! I TOTALLY REMEMBAH THIS GAME! THE OILAHS PUSSIED OUT AFATAH GOING UP 35-3! WHAT A BUNCH OF FACKIN’ LOOSAHS!!!
(dips ashes of deceased grandfather)
You would nawt believe the impact this game had on the LEGENDARY FANS OF WAHLBERG NATION!!! I remembah wawtching that game with my dad, and my dad was like, “You know what this reminds me of, sonny boy?” And I knew what he was tawking about! He knew what he was tawking about! WE KNEW. We sensed it in the ay-ahhhh! This game was clearly awll about…
BUCKNAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Oh, to remembah that night. Simple ground bawll. A play a child could make. In a way, we were awll children then. EXCEPT FAR ME BECAUSE I WAS BUSY TAKING SEANDRA O’FITZGERALD TO POUNDTOWN BEHIND QUINZEE ELEMENTARY! She was fackin’ fat as shit, but that was a good startah pussy!!!
(cranks up Breaking Benjamin)
Then the bawll went through Bucknah’s legs and things were-ah NEVAH the same! Even now, as Bawston has risen from the ashes to become AMERICA’S FAVORITE AND MOST DAWMINANT SPARTS CITY! We could nawt enjoy ow-ah fifty-six titles in three yee-ahs prawpahly becawse of the trauma! If you ahhhhn’t from hee-yah, you don’t get that!
(was actually born in Greenwich)
Awll the Stanley Cups and awll the Warld Series titles and awll the Spartswritah of the Year-ah awards cannot make the HURT go away! AND NOW THE FACKIN’ CHOKESAWX AHHHH ABOUT TO LOSE THE WILD CAHHHD! To Tampa Bay! Who the fack cay-ahs about Tampa Bay? THAT IS A FAGGOT TOWN AND A FAGGOT TEAM OF FAGGOTS! Turn in your-ah Red Sox Nation cahhhhd if you like the Rays! You ahhh nawt one of us!
Oh, these a dahhhhk times. Dahhhkah than Mookie Wilson’s skin! THESE MAY BE THE DAHHKKEST TIMES IN OW-AH BAWSTON HISTORY! Can you believe we lawst to the Bills? Billy Belichick has lawst his edge! And Tawmmy Brady has gone too Hawllywood now! And nawt the good, “Entourage” kind of Hawllywood! The gay kind of going Hawllywood! I’ll nevah root fah them again! Even when we ahhhh dawminant, we ahhh still tahhhhtured! Don’t you see we ahhh so complex and deep? JETAH SUCKS CAWKS IN HELL! AND YOU TELL HIM I SAID THAT TO HIS FACKIN’ KID N’ PLAY LIGHT DAHK SKIN!
V/O: Uh, Tommy?
Tommy: What?
V/O: Do you want to talk at all about the Oilers-Bills game? It is kinda the subject of this documentary.
Tommy: I don’t know if I can. SHADES OF BUCKNAHHHH!
V/O: I think we should maybe talk about it a little.
Tommy: FACK YOU! You ahhh nawt going through what I am going through right now! America needs to know how worried I am about the Sawx and Pats and how much I fackin’ wish Jawn Lackey would get Jawn Lester’s cancah!!!! Besides, the greatest comeback in sparts history? 2004. Yankees up 0-3. NEED I SAY MORE-AH? DO THE MATH. GREATEST COMEBACK EVAH NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!!